This Too Will Pass!

So currently 2018 has had its ups and downs – Unfortunately more downs than ups.

At the beginning of this year I ended my marriage for reasons that I won’t go into. This was my choice, but I couldn’t carry on being unhappy. Thankfully the divorce is fairly straightforward and not too stressful but still a stress on the last.

Both girls have had several bouts of tonsillitis, Chloe has had around 10 in the last 12 months! Another stress for all of us! Thankfully Chloe has been given the go-ahead to have a tonsillectomy a huge relief but scary at the same time.

So now a single mum comes the task of juggling more than ever! School runs, business, work, Bizmums mums, blogging, after-school clubs, swimming, brownies, slimming world, cooking, cleaning, dog walking, working, laundry, gardening, days out, and other mummy duties… The list is endless, and has started to take its toll.

As some of you are probably aware, I suffer with depression and anxiety and have done for a number of years. Some days I feel absolutely fine, other days I can barely get out of bed.

Mental health illnesses are wide and varied, and sufferers have a broad spectrum of symptoms.

There is a lot of misconception that surrounds depression, depression isn’t feeling down for an hour, depression is a scale of one extreme to another. You’re either high with happiness, or so down you doubt the world will ever have colour again.

Depression isn’t just feeling a bit sad at home, it can hit you at any point; at work, out shopping, on the school run, at a party, etc – sometimes there’s no particular reason at all.

Somedays you’re as high as a kite, you think you’re better, you think you don’t need to take your medication any more. Don’t be fooled by this and never stop your medication without the advice of a doctor. One small trigger can take you right back to square one.

I find that I am a great listener, I can offer help and advice, but I’m rubbish at listening to my own advice.

I am also great at putting on a smile and pretending everything is okay, but inside I’m breaking. There’s only so long you can struggle on with this act, trust me at some point you will break. Only a Couple of weeks ago, I came home from work and I cried for hours. Nothing had happened, there was no reason for it, but there I was sobbing! It’s okay to cry though. It doesn’t make you weak.

My circle of friends at Conscious cr have been invaluable. I was offered a lot of support and kind words. One person gave me a quote to remember “this too will pass”.

I have another friend is also invaluable I’m not going to name her, but she knows who she is. We’ve been through thick and thin together and always come out of the other side, we both know we’re at the other end of the phone for each other – thank you!

I’ve gone the long way round to say it but what I’m basically trying to say is it’s okay not to be okay, what you need to do is make sure you have a support network around you. If you don’t, there are charities or groups that can help or speak to your GP.

What I need to do is listen to my own advice re-read this blog over and over again!

This too will pass!

Days out and depression…..

2016-04-08 12.48.56

On Friday the 8th of April we went to Lower Drayton Farm, but this was no ordinary day out.  I decided earlier on in the week that I would take the girls out for the day and decided on Lower Drayton Farm.

Well Friday morning came and I’d had about 2 hours sleep, I suffer from restless legs syndrome (RLS) and had been really suffering that night, so when I woke up after 2 hours sleep, I was exhausted, my mood was very low, and the last thing I wanted to do was go out for the day.  My mum was staying with us and insisted we go out I know she wanted to get me out of the house as it would do me good it didn’t feel like that at the time. I also didn’t want to let the girls down.

Anyway we all got ready, which always seems to take forever; packed lunches, drinks, coats, changing bag, wellies and a change of clothes it felt like we were going for a week!

We arrived at the very muddy lower Drayton farm, and went into the shop to buy our tickets.  We were greeted by a lovely lady, she was very welcoming, and took time to answer any questions we had. On that particular day the weather was looking particularly gloomy, and the forecast was rain, because of this we were given a family pass to visit the farm Again.

While we were buying our tickets the tractor have just returned and was getting ready to go again, so we hopped on board the trailer for our tour of Lower Drayton Farm. This was my favourite part of the day mainly because the girls behaved!

We got taken around the cowsheds where farmer Ray talked about the Combine Harvester, the cows, what they eat, where there milk goes etc. Next we went into a big field, still on the tractor and we were able to see and feed the Emu’s, black sheep, ponies, llamas, alpacas etc. and Farmer Ray explained all about them. I personally found his talk very informative and educational! He was also very friendly and jovial.

When we got back to the farm we had some lunch and then went to look at all the other animals, the girls were able to bottle feed the goats and sheep, Chloe held a guinea pig, Olivia prodded and poked said guinea pig, Olivia got pecked by a hen – her own fault she was told not to put her fingers in the pen.

After an enjoyable play on the play area it was time to take 2 grumpy, whingy, tired girls home.  Thank you Lower Drayton Farm we had a lovely time and can’t wait for our next visit.

Although the girls were grumpy, whingy, moany and very tired by the end of the day, I did have a good day and I am glad I went.  A lot of people don’t understand that with depression, even getting out of bed in the morning is hard work, leaving the house is even harder, so for me to go to the farm on that day was a big achievement!

Why I started my business.

In this blog I have decided to write about why I started up Chloivia.

It all started on the 23rd of August 2014! I’d been searching high and low for a frozen hairband for Chloe (my eldest daughter and hence the chlo in Chloivia.)I couldn’t find one anywhere. So I searched good old ebay and came across some frozen ribbon and some plain headbands. I remember sitting there on the 23rd of August not knowing what on on earth I was going to do with this ribbon. Well I managed to transform it into a lovely headband, which Chloe loved and still does!!


As I have mentioned previously I received some lovely comments from family and friends, and so I decided to make some items to sell.

That’s the reason I started Chloivia, but the reason I carried on with my venture was because it helped (and still does help) with my post natal depression (PND). It gives my brain something else to think about, it makes me happy and I thoroughly enjoy crafting!
I say crafting as I don’t just make hair accessories anymore, I make a wide array of alsorts of different crafts.

I was diagnosed with PND in April/May 2014 shortly after Olivia was born (my youngest daughter and hence the ivia in Chloivia). I realised hat I had gone way past the stage of “baby blues” and wanting to cry was not normal”!!

I’ll never forget the day I was diagnosed. I can’t remember the date but it was a Friday.  I had fought the tears all the way to school, dropped chloe off, got back in to the car and sobbed. About 20 minutes later, after I managed to compose myself, I phoned the doctors and managed to get a cancellation- it was meant to be!! I don’t know about you but I believe in fate!!!

I am still being treated for PND- it has been a long and windy road and I don’t know when/if it will end- but I WILL keep fighting!!

I just want to point out that PND or even depression is an invisible illness and unless you’ve had it, it is very hard to understand it. PND/depression etc is not an excuse, it’s an illness and people like myself cannot help it if we are having an off day or one minute we’re fine and the next we’re in tears- it’s all part of the illness and unfortunately it cannot be helped!!!

During my first 12 months of Chloivia I have met some friends for life and people that actually understand!  My family and my doctor have been amazing too!!
(You know who you are – thank you!!!)


A couple of months ago I was looking for another branch to jump onto, another platform to sell on.  I have already set up my items on a couple of platforms including Etsy, but I felt I needed something else!  I put the question out there on a Facebook group and a lovely lady replied asking me to have a look at Conscious Crafties
Hmmm I thought- that’s not one I’ve heard of. I popped over and the first thing I read was
“Dedicated craft selling site, supporting people who are chronically ill, disabled or caring for those affected.”

Now people may read that and think- but Becky, your not chronically ill, disabled or a carer so why even bother to apply?
This thought also crossed my mind. PND is a chronic illness and like I said earlier, it’s invisible!! A chronic illness is an illness that persists for more than 3 months. I’ve had PND for over 12 months!!
Anyway I filled the form in and I thought, the worst they can say is no!! But within minutes I had a lovely message welcoming me on board.


Conscious Crafties is a lovely platform to be on and I highly recommend it to anyone.  There is so much love and support on there! I love it. Thank you for being so welcoming supportive and there when I need to talk etc!!

Well that’s all from me for now, I’ve probably bored you to death and if you’ve read until the end you deserve a medal xxx