So currently 2018 has had its ups and downs – Unfortunately more downs than ups.
At the beginning of this year I ended my marriage for reasons that I won’t go into. This was my choice, but I couldn’t carry on being unhappy. Thankfully the divorce is fairly straightforward and not too stressful but still a stress on the last.
Both girls have had several bouts of tonsillitis, Chloe has had around 10 in the last 12 months! Another stress for all of us! Thankfully Chloe has been given the go-ahead to have a tonsillectomy a huge relief but scary at the same time.
So now a single mum comes the task of juggling more than ever! School runs, business, work, Bizmums mums, blogging, after-school clubs, swimming, brownies, slimming world, cooking, cleaning, dog walking, working, laundry, gardening, days out, and other mummy duties… The list is endless, and has started to take its toll.
As some of you are probably aware, I suffer with depression and anxiety and have done for a number of years. Some days I feel absolutely fine, other days I can barely get out of bed.
Mental health illnesses are wide and varied, and sufferers have a broad spectrum of symptoms.
There is a lot of misconception that surrounds depression, depression isn’t feeling down for an hour, depression is a scale of one extreme to another. You’re either high with happiness, or so down you doubt the world will ever have colour again.
Depression isn’t just feeling a bit sad at home, it can hit you at any point; at work, out shopping, on the school run, at a party, etc – sometimes there’s no particular reason at all.
Somedays you’re as high as a kite, you think you’re better, you think you don’t need to take your medication any more. Don’t be fooled by this and never stop your medication without the advice of a doctor. One small trigger can take you right back to square one.
I find that I am a great listener, I can offer help and advice, but I’m rubbish at listening to my own advice.
I am also great at putting on a smile and pretending everything is okay, but inside I’m breaking. There’s only so long you can struggle on with this act, trust me at some point you will break. Only a Couple of weeks ago, I came home from work and I cried for hours. Nothing had happened, there was no reason for it, but there I was sobbing! It’s okay to cry though. It doesn’t make you weak.
My circle of friends at Conscious cr have been invaluable. I was offered a lot of support and kind words. One person gave me a quote to remember “this too will pass”.
I have another friend is also invaluable I’m not going to name her, but she knows who she is. We’ve been through thick and thin together and always come out of the other side, we both know we’re at the other end of the phone for each other – thank you!
I’ve gone the long way round to say it but what I’m basically trying to say is it’s okay not to be okay, what you need to do is make sure you have a support network around you. If you don’t, there are charities or groups that can help or speak to your GP.
What I need to do is listen to my own advice re-read this blog over and over again!
This too will pass!